Wyns Bible Research & Journal

  Hmm, my Bible Coloring app is acting up.  Isn't syncing, looks like I lost all pictures from the New Years to today.  Oh well, not many.  It is also not giving me a post share at the end of the watermark removal.  Maybe that is not a step any more. Having difficulty getting work done.  Just simply not interested.

  Alma notes that she doesnt reqd every day either, and uses her daily post to keep on tract.  That made me feel lots better.  But I dont feel really as blocked as I was.  Was it permission or was it the idea that Im not a horrible person by missing reading the bible everyday. All of a sudden after 6 months of the same 5 pounds up and down I lost below the level it had sat at.  Such joy.  Again like a block was moved over.  242 instead of 246 finally.

  Sent an email to BetterMe today since it's app wouldn't download.  I think it's made for iphones.  Sigh.  I like the look of many of it's programs/courses.  I hope it will be downloadable but if not I can manage with only the site on the tablet.  I especially like the idea of 28 day senior program and the chair yoga.  Not sure about it's meal plans though, looks like they recommend fasting. The puppy Boomer was fun to babysit but it certainly was Ted's dog and no, I did not like that 🤣  I don't believe that we could handle a dog full time though.  Too much work fir both of us.  I know Ted would start off all gungho but after a couple of weeks he would be complaining about taking it out and there are many days that I just can't.  Even though my walking is much better I still have days that I have to stay in my chair.  I wonder if an older cat might be the answer.  I sure need something I can talk to and love and receive ...

  Again, and again, and again.  I guess I will never have a specific all consuming diection.  And that's good I've decided, because if I don't change and grow then I might as well die.  Living is changing and growing.  I've done a lot of staying stuck and it sucks.  It is very depressing.  It is time that I once again work for ME.  I know that people think that I am always selfish and only for me.  But I'm not, not really.  I may say I want lots but I don't receive it.  I don't focus on what I really want.  It's more wishful thinking.  I know that things won't change, I have to change me.  That's scarey.

 It’s so very, very easy to play the victim. To want sympathy. You know what? Victims are weenies. Weak people. Something happens to them, and then they put out the welcome mat and invite other yucky stuff to happen over and over again. They never move forward. They are defined by the crap that happened. Victims play an endless loop tape that says life is unfair especially to me. Is that what you want? Or are there other things you’d like?